I was looking at my college transcript the other day. Boy, did that bring up some old memories. Difficult memories. Going to college was actually a very difficult time in my life. It was very strange. Here’s what I mean…
Besides the classes that were of average difficulty, there were several classes that I found to be very difficult. So, I dedicated more time and effort towards those classes. But that extra time and effort didn’t seem to make much of a difference - I still failed those classes. Repeatedly.
On the other hand, there were classes that I found to be very easy, almost effortless. I put very little time and effort into those classes, and I passed them with high grades. It never really made sense to me, why my hard work in tough classes went unrewarded, but then my seemingly effortless work was rewarded greatly in easy classes. I also noticed that other students passed difficult classes with ease, and failed classes which I thought were easy.
Eventually, all the classes I had were “tough classes”, and I quickly became overwhelmed. I got burned out and became demoralized. I was no longer able to put in the extra time and effort for these difficult classes, so I did the work half heartedly. The result was the same – I failed. I failed every class. I was in danger of being dismissed from the college.
In a last ditch effort to avoid being kicked out of school, I attempted to change my current major from TV/VCR Repair/Industrial Electronics/Telecom to HVAC (Heating, Ventilation, Air Conditioning), which everyone, including teachers, said was easy. One dean told me that I would have to write a petition letter to another dean to get my major changed. Otherwise, I would definitely be dismissed from the school.
I wrote the letter and presented it to the appropriate dean. She had barely even read it before telling me her answer – a resounding NO. She remarked that I should have changed my major earlier. I got so enraged, that I ripped up the letter, threw the pieces on the floor, and stormed out. I was angry because I realized that all the hard work that I had put in, all the time I had put in – was for nothing. I had nothing to show for all of my hard work.
Now, after all that mess, let’s flash back to before I started college – to my final year in high school:
I was speaking with a counselor regarding what I would be doing after graduating. I remember telling the counselor that I didn’t want to start any post secondary education right away. I wanted to take some time off, and to figure out what I really wanted to do. He advised me that it was best to start right away, that it was not a good idea to take any time off. I pretty much felt rushed, because I had to make a rush decision to figure out what I wanted to do, which in itself is always a foolish thing to do. Haste makes waste, as they say. But I did what I was told, to my detriment.
I chose to study TV/VCR repair because it was the only thing I was interested in that I thought that I could get a job doing. I never thought that I could get work as a comic book artist because I drew too slowly to meet deadlines. Also, I never had any interest in telecom, but since the TV/VCR repair industry was dying, my college quickly changed the curriculum to telecom, which added even more difficult classes.
Another issue was the fact that mathematics is my Achilles heel. Since elementary school, math has always been my worst subject – much lower than any other subject I took. Reading, writing, English, social studies, history, art, and science were never a problem for me. All of my “tough” college classes involved mathematics. Not surprisingly, I was diagnosed with dyscalculia, or mathematics disorder in 2002. If I had known that I had dyscalculia in high school, I would have avoided any and all math based vocations, including TV/VCR repair/telecom.
I know that my high school counselor had my best interests in mind, so I do not fault him at all. I fault myself for blindly doing what I was told to do. I assumed that he knew best, but in the end, it was my responsibility to know what was best for me, not anyone else’s. I should have insisted on doing it my way, I would have been much better off.
Think about it: Why would anyone invest so much time, effort, and money into something that they are not even sure that they want to do? They wouldn’t. Not unless they were a fool.
I was a fool to do what I was told. Because of my foolishness, I wasted two years of my life pursuing an associate’s degree that was not suitable for me. But I learned a very important lesson – to never blindly do what you are told, no matter what. Figure things out for yourself, and then make your own decisions. Question everything and everyone, from rules and regulations, to laws, orders from parents and higher-ups, even authorities and governments.
I also learned that it is very important to figure out what you are talented at and what you enjoy doing, and pursue those avenues. Then and only then will any of your hard work pay off. Life is too short to waste doing unrewarding work.
The easiest people to control are those who do what they are told without question. Don’t be controlled by others. Control yourself, make your own decisions, and create your own destiny.
P.S. Hooray! Spring is here! It’s about time…
(lol)
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