Have you ever gotten so angry that you could barely control yourself?

Or gotten so angry that you’ve actually lost control, and got into trouble?

Do you sometimes feel like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode?

Are you easily and/or frequently angered?

Is it difficult to let your angry feelings go?

Do you hold grudges?

Do you feel that your anger is unresolved?

If you have answered yes to any of the previous questions, then this article may help you.

Now, before I get started, let me assure you that I am not an anger management professional, nor a psychologist, or any other kind of psychiatric specialist. I am just an ordinary (mostly) person who has had much difficulty with anger, and I am sharing methods that have helped me to deal with it. I can not offer any guarantee or warranty for the information I am providing. If you agree, please read on!

First off, anger is a normal human emotion, and there is nothing wrong with being angry. As a matter of fact, if nothing ever angers you, something is wrong! Anger is a normal response when we are hurt, taken advantage of, ridiculed, or otherwise wronged. Anger is there to protect our well being. However, in our modern society, just acting out your anger is likely to make your problems worse. For example, my anger once landed me in a jail cell for several hours. I was very lucky to have had no charges filed against me, but I still learned that I really needed to get a hold of myself.

You need to be in control of your behavior when pushed to your limit because of anger. Now, this step by itself will not fix the root cause of anger problems, but it will pretty much keep you out of trouble. Now, how do you keep yourself in control when you’re at your boiling point? You must learn to focus on only one thing when you are about to explode…

Consequences.

Specifically, what are the possible consequences for acting out violently? What could happen if you punch someone in the face for shoving you? Think realistically. A nasty fight could erupt. You could get beat down. You could beat the other guy down. Someone could pull out a weapon. Regardless of the fight’s outcome, the chances of you getting arrested and charged with assault are almost assured. No matter how good it would feel to avenge yourself on someone who wronged you, it can either escalate to deadly proportions, or can land you in jail. It’s just not worth it. Please note that I am not saying to allow others to take advantage of you - always stand up for yourself. If you don’t stand up for yourself, intense anger will build up inside of you. Unless you’re a masochist, that is!

Focusing on the possible consequences for acting out my anger has pretty much kept me out of trouble so far, but it does nothing to alleviate the anger. If anything, I am even angrier because I didn’t punch that guy in the face for shoving me! Well, what I am about to say next is pretty much what anyone will tell you, but that is because it does actually help…

Talk about it.

No, not to the guy who shoved you. Talk about it to someone you trust and confide in. Get it off your chest. Vent. Be careful not to direct your anger towards your listener. Usually talking about what made you angry will help you to feel better. I also pray about my anger as well – prayer is just talking to God. When I talk or pray about my anger, it does help, but I find that the anger usually returns after a while, totally unresolved, as though the angering event just happened again. So, what can you do if talking or praying doesn’t resolve your anger?

Write it down or type it out.

Yes, write or type it. Don’t ask me why, but writing down and typing out my angry feelings and details of the situation that angered me really helps to take away the anger. I really feel relieved and resolved when I write about my anger. For me, this is my strongest anger management tool. When you write, be as graphic about your feelings as possible. Hold nothing back. Let your paper and/or computer take the full brunt of your anger. Let it all out. Make sure your anger pages are kept in a safe and secure place, because you really don’t want anyone else reading them, unless you deeply trust them. Also document any other feelings that led up to the anger – hurt, sad, embarrassed, etc. The more detail, the better. It’s like magic!

Another thing writing or typing your anger is useful for - resolving deep seated anger which stems from a multitude of negative past events. If you are chronically angry, (like I pretty much was) you probably have been chronically abused, mistreated, neglected, taken advantage of, etc. I used to suppress my anger as much as I could during my childhood, and continued to do so well into adulthood because I didn’t know how to deal with my anger. No one taught me how to do so. That bottled up anger eventually took its toll, leaving me in a ticking time bomb state. Even if you can’t relate to the past negative events I mentioned earlier, I believe these anger management tips can still help you. They have helped me greatly.

Forgiveness…

Let’s get one thing straight about forgiveness – it is not at all for the benefit of a perpetrator, but for the victim’s benefit. Forgiveness does not in any way excuse anyone for any heinous act. If someone hurts you, and you hold a grudge, you are holding on to that pain and anger, and not allowing yourself to heal. You end up hurting yourself. Now, I’m not saying that it’s easy. I, for example, have had grudges for so many years, that the grudges seem to have gotten stuck inside me. The only thing that has gotten me any closer to forgiving those who have hurt me is talking and writing about it. You can still desire justice while forgiving. Take whatever legal measures you can against those who hurt you, but don’t become obsessed with punishing them. Learn to let go, learn to forgive. My wife always says that life is short, so make the most of it. She is so right. Life is too short to hold bitter grudges and to obsess over punishing those who have hurt you. Learn to enjoy life despite the scumbags!

Screaming and shouting!

No, not at those who made you angry, (unless your personal safety is at stake) I mean in a private place where no one will hear you. When I was a teen, a family member always said or did things that really angered me. When that person went out, I put a pillow on my face and screamed and cursed at the top of my lungs. My throat hurt afterwards, but it helped to get the anger out. It was the best I could do at the time. Unfortunately, that family member continued to do and say things that enraged me, so I was in a constant state of irritation. I needed another way of safely letting off steam…

Violent video games and loud music!

I understand that not everyone plays video games, but bear with me for a moment. If you can’t escape a situation that makes you angry, tune it out with loud music. Work out your frustrations by splattering or beating the snot out of some video game characters. Don’t worry, they won’t feel a thing, but you will feel better. The video game violence and loud music combination has worked wonders for me. However, it was just a temporary solution. Which brings me to my next point…

Leave and/or avoid situations that make you angry.

If you are in a constantly angering situation at home, make plans to move out and leave for good. If you have a difficult situation like huge crowds when taking public transportation, or dealing with a particular jerk at work, avoid them whenever you can. Go out of your way to avoid what ever angers you. Walk the road less traveled, or find another job if possible. I find that the more I deal with situations that anger me, I don’t get used to them, I just get more and more angry. It’s better to not even be in such a situation.

Other methods for anger management…

Self distraction – I get really annoyed by huge crowds when I use public transportation, and there is no way to totally avoid them, so I distract myself with music. Get a portable music player and listen to soothing music that you enjoy.

Exercise – Get down to the gym and work off that anger on the treadmill, the elliptical machine, or whatever exercise machine you like.

Play sports – Go smack a baseball with a bat, spike a volleyball, or slam dunk a basketball. Do some kind of fun physical activity.

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