Before you read any further - yes, I saw the Oprah Winfrey Show about “The Secret”, and I am a fan of Steve Pavlina’s self improvement page. Gratitude is one of the key aspects of being successful according to “The Secret”. However, I have been trying to figure out how to be grateful in spite of a multitude of negative experiences. For example, my experiences with dishonest employers. To be absolutely honest, I would have to say that up until the year 2000, my life was filled with about 80 - 90 percent worth of negative experiences before improving. I won’t get into many details, however. What happened in 2000 you ask? I’ll get to that later on in the article.

One thing that I find necessary, no; imperative to being grateful, is thinking positively. For someone like me, thinking positively is no easy task. I have, in effect, been trained to think negatively, and to always expect the worst from any situation, because of my life experiences. It’s a vicious cycle - bad things happen, I close up and toughen myself emotionally, and expect the same bad things to keep happening, and prepare for more of the same. Now, if something good happens, I barely notice. Yet the slightest negative thing happens, and I am just about ready to explode. A nasty side effect of this is a constant stream of negative thoughts and fantasies of negative events playing out. Those thoughts and fantasies reinforce the negative mindset. That pretty much sucks. So, how does one break out of such a negative mindset?

I discovered that I need to train myself to think positively, while unlearning the negative thinking. It is a process, and I am still undertaking that process myself. In all honesty, I believe that I still have a long way to go, but hey, I am still on the path. I will get there. Thinking positively can be a creative process - that is, in turning negative experiences into positive results. For example, I was let go from my first paying IT position after about 6 months. I was disappointed and angry. I needed more time to acclimate to the job! But just before that, my boss gave me very useful feedback that allowed me to see issues with myself that I needed to work on. Unfortunately, these are not issues that can be resolved overnight. I found out that I had difficulty communicating verbally - I spoke very fast, and usually mumbled. I never noticed this before. I also found out that I have some learning disabilities.

I initially thought “Crap, more crap to deal with.” However, if I hadn’t learned about those issues, I would not have been able to deal with them and grow. I made a conscious effort to improve my verbal communication, to speak slowly and clearly without mumbling, and now I can communicate better verbally today. When I was tested for learning disabilities, I was also found to have a high IQ. I can now focus on implementing measures and compensatory strategies to deal with my learning disabilities, instead of always being discouraged and telling myself: “I must be stupid since I can’t do these simple tasks.” Now, I tell myself: “Don’t focus on your disabilities, focus on your abilities.” Negative events turned into positive results. Negative thoughts turned into positive ones.

I have since had two really bad IT jobs. I was flat out misled and directly lied to by my employers. The businesses were also run very poorly. No organization, just a chaotic and confusing mess. How do I turn these experiences into positive results? First, I looked at the most obvious thing, skills learned. In one position, I was exposed to Apple Mac systems, and became more familiar with them. In the other, I was exposed to Cisco networking and voice equipment, and Virtualization technologies. All very valuable work experience. I can be grateful for that. But how can I be grateful for all the negative things I experienced, like a mild upper back injury due to constant heavy lifting, or extreme stress due to unrealistic expectations from incompetent managers?

I don’t desire a job that requires only physical labor - I find that boring and unfulfilling. In terms of my injury, which happened in spite of correct lifting techniques, that tells me that I was not designed for heavy physical labor. I am grateful for my injury showing me that. I desire to run my own business, to be my own boss. I am grateful for the health damaging stress I received, for that has shown me how not to run my business, and how not to treat my employees. When I have my own business, I will treat my employees the way I want to be treated. I will run my business in an organized and efficient, yet scalable manner. I am grateful for what I have learned. I will be successful.

The concepts I learned about “The Secret” from the Oprah Winfrey Show, such as “You receive what you think about and ask for”, and “The universe will give you what you ask for” are mirrored in the Bible. There are at least five scriptures in the New Testament saying things like “Ask and you will receive” and “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer”. In the year of 2000, I became a Christian, and my life started to change for the better. Yes, I ran into problems afterward, but each problem had a positive outcome that was not immediately apparent. I learned, and grew from each experience. I am a better man now than I ever was before, and I still continue to grow.

The next time you have a negative experience, look for the positive consequences. It is not easy, I know this from personal experience, but it is necessary if you want to grow, and be successful.

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